Can You Get Back Your Ex?
You have probably encountered this, or know someone who has. One partner spends long hours at work, and the other partner does not feel like he is supportive or available. The other partner spends most of her time looking after the children, sometimes with a job to balance also, and the first partner feels like his needs are not being addressed either. So they split up. Whatever the circumstances, the question always is – Can you get back your ex?
Can You Get Back Your Ex? Is It Worth Trying?
Let us assume in this instance that both partners still want the relationship to work. That is not always the case, and I have great sympathy for anybody in a relationship who wants it to work, when their partner has lost interest and has moved on emotionally. In that case, the “can you get your ex back?” answer is usually no!
It is frightening how many relationships are maintained just for the children, or for appearances, or for fear of being alone. We all deserve satisfying, complete, and gratifying relationships, and I do not subscribe to the charade theory which keeps many relationships together. After all, if you have decided to stay in a marginal relationship for reasons like the children, some time spent working on the relationship might mean you will end up having the best of both worlds – and a surprisingly great relationship.
Get Back Your Ex: Step 1
The first step is to get both partners to make a solemn commitment to work on the relationship. The worst thing that can happen here is that a commitment is given which is not followed through upon. If the real mutual commitment exists, then there is a foundation upon which to work to try to improve the relationship.
Get Back Your Ex: Step 2
Next, both of you must deeply explore the relationship, and identify the problem or problems that exist. And there must be mutual agreement on these. After all, who is going to seriously work on something they do not perceive to be a problem.
One of the most difficult things to do is to identify the real problems. Make sure you are identifying these, and not merely symptoms of the problems. For example, where one partner has been unfaithful, you might consider that to be the problem. But if you dig a little deeper, you might find that there is an underlying lack of intimacy in the relationship. Now whether that should have driven infidelity is another question, but I would argue that the main problem that needs to be addressed here is the lack of intimacy, and that the affair may well be a symptom of the problem (albeit something that also needs to be addressed).
Get Back Your Ex: Step 3
When the problems have been identified, they must be discussed and agreed upon if possible. This needs to be done in a constructive way. You will want to point out things that will be hurtful for your partner to hear. Same goes for your partner, they will be telling you things which you find hurtful. The important thing is to get everything out – this is not the time to hold back. If both partners are open, then the issues get aired as they should. It is not a time for scoring points, or playing control games. It is a time for resolution and cooperation and understanding.
Get Back Your Ex: Step 4
When all the problems have been identified, then it is time to develop an action plan to address them. This is an on-going process, and there should be frequent progress checks. It is very important that both partners have tasks to perform on the relationship, and that each pulls his or her weight, and is perceived by the other partner as doing so.
There are no guarantees in life, but by following this approach, there is a good chance your relationship will improve.
There are resources out there which can help.
